I'll start with the happy.....my dad 
He and Holly stopped by today on their way home to Nevada after being at California Speedway this weekend. I don;t see them much and it was so sweet to see them with my kids. Mackenzie was laying in Holly's lap in heaven getting her tummy rubbed and Jonas....he kind of got his Grandpa wrapped around his finger quickly getting him to come to his room and getting belly rubs as well. Yes, both my little ones are very touchy feely kids and love having their tummy's rubbed. Jonas did a lot of laughing with Grandpa and the gentle rubs turned into big tickles. And Mackenzie, well, if she were a cat, she would have been purring. It was a very sweet visit.
And my favorite part was when they were getting ready to leave and my dad hugged me and told me that he is proud of who I have turned out to be. I can cry just typing that, as it is something that I have always wanted - to make my daddy proud - yep, even at age 40! Thank you dad for loving me, being proud of me & telling me so! ♥ You mean the world to me! ♥
My dad holding me when I was just a few weeks old:
Now the other.....not sure if you have noticed, I do have three children, yet I really only talk about two for the most part: Mackenzie and Jonas. Brandon is my oldest, he'll be 19 next month and honestly, I don;t share much because I don't have anything positive to write about these days (The Lord knows I wish I could!). I was a single mom with Brandon, he was born when I was just 21. I look at his baby picture and just wish that time could've been frozen. He was so innocent back then. In pre-school, Brandon was labelled ADHD and spent the next several years on & off of different medications and in counselling - and was always in trouble at school. I loved being a mom and was his class mom in school many years and the team mom on many of his baseball and soccer teams. No, life wasn't perfect & I did the best I could at the time. Had I known what I know now, yes, without a doubt, I would've done better. I met JT when Brandon was 4 and he was the only dad that Brandon has ever known. Times were hard dealing with Brandon and him being in trouble so much and yes, there were many times that I didn;t enjoy being a mother. At the age of 11, my dad & Holly stepped in and funded getting Brandon into a military school to try to get him some help. Long story short - Brandon ended up in a few other different "therapeutic schools" over the next several years and gave him the "tools" for dealing with life - none of the schools he completed. He was back with us several times in between - was arrested on a felony vandalism charge once, punched me another time and many other numerous things I'll spare you the details on. He did graduate high school and then went onto the Army in 2007, being kicked out within 4 months. Since then, he has been living with my mom & step dad - in and out of jail, has had several arrests, covering himself in tattoos and just making a lot of poor choices.
So - my "not so happy" tears were about him today. He called today. He thrives on trying to beat the system (whether it's the law, his grandparents, me - whatever), playing the victim, etc. and it just drains me. I have two children here who need me - Brandon is now an adult - there is nothing I can do for him. Yes, I do pray for him. I will not enable him or buy into his "stuff" though. So - the tears - I had one of those calls from him today, that he's out of jail, again and blah...blah....blah - he didn't hear what he wanted from me so he lashed out and hung up.
I think about my dad and what he said to me today and how much it meant. I so want to say those words to my son...I love him deeply and do hope that someday I will be proud.
Me and Brandon, way back when...♥
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